Fitting in and Standing Out
by Darkira
Summary: Being out and proud isn't always easy, especially for a teenaged boy who happens to crush on the blonde God in his new school. A blonde God who just happens to be painfully shy... For Slash Backslash 2.0. AU/AH/T/S


**SLASH BACKSLASH ONE-SHOT CONTEST**

**Story Name: **Fitting in and Standing Out

**Pen name: **Darkira

**Pairing: **Seth & Jasper

**Disclaimer: **All things Twi belong to S. Meyer. This story belongs to me.

It is rated T and is kind of fluffy. You've been warned.

**To see other entries in the "SLASH BACKSLASH" contest, please visit the C2: http:/www . fanfiction . net/c2/68069/3/0/1/**

-xxXxx-

_My worth is the look in your eyes_

_My prize the smile playing tricks on your lips and I wonder again_

_Do you ever dream of the world like I do_

- Changes by Poets of the Fall -

It wasn't so much about me being sure that no one would beat me up for being who I was...actually I was sure someone would try it eventually. But even the worst moronic jocks out there gave me credit for being me so openly. So I was a little more queer than most of them had ever seen in real life, but they gave me space and I never got too close to them. Nor did I rub their nose in my gay ways. Hell, all it would have taken was one wink to the wrong guy and I wouldn't have made it home that day but instead seen the ER of the local hospital...

I look native. I have that whole black hair and russet skin going on, so I fit in here in Forks because there was a reservation near the town. I had a drop of native blood, more Puerto Rican and some Italian; I was a right mutt, but as long as I fit in in _some_ way I was sort of happy.

I'm not that flamboyant; sure I have some 'gay characteristics' but that's who I am and it can't be changed. Not that I would; I'd rather be myself and not fit in than be someone I'm not. I know, I've tried.

Being the gay son of a single mother who moves after jobs, uprooting me every two years or so in the process, isn't easy. She's cool with me being gay, though she's worried about me fitting in. When we arrived in Forks, she grinned at me and said that at least I 'looked right'. Yeah, let's just say that the last town, middle-of-nowhere Texas, hadn't exactly been welcoming to someone like me.

In Forks High I was...well, not the only weird kid for sure. There were your usual groups of teens. I was a junior and seventeen by the time I got to this rainy little town. I might have dressed a bit better than your average seventeen year old boy but that was about it. Oh and my hair was cut a bit too nicely and part of it was dyed white. Not blonde, white.

My nails were often done with black polish but I had dropped using eyeliner in Texas. I got my ass handed to me, in a surprisingly polite manner I might add, by some punks who wanted to tell me that wasn't allowed.

I didn't necessarily have a particular style I preferred. I could wear anything from skinny fit jeans to loose camo pants and dress shirts with ties to tank tops or band tees. I think that was one of the reasons I was left alone. I didn't wear pink spandex and glittery tops like some of the prejudiced assholes seemed to think gay boys wore. Give me a break...seriously.

I was only 5'8" but that was the only sort of petite thing about me.

Har har.

What I mean to say is that I have decent muscles and sort of a swimmer's build and I'm quite happy with that. I can also eat anything and not gain weight so I suppose I'm blessed in that way.

The first week of my junior year in Forks High was uneventful. Adjusting to the schedule was easy, routine even, as I had already been in three different high schools on my path of getting a high school diploma eventually... I loved my mom to bits, but I hoped that one day she'd settle down in one place. If I got lucky it wouldn't be Hellhole, TX, but some other place, Forks maybe? Please, what ever deity might be listening: let her be happy here?

Anyway, the first week was uneventful. But then I spotted him. At least 6'3", blonde and just...gorgeous. There was something about him that made me stop in my tracks when I first spotted him in the hall on my way to math.

"That's Jasper Whitlock." I heard a voice next to me and almost jumped.

"Jesus, Angie!" I exhaled and she giggled a bit. She was the first person who approached me and who I could already call a friend. If I weren't gay, she'd been my first choice, trust me. The girl was gorgeous. Long legs, sparkling brown eyes and cute nerdy glasses... Yeah, it was a real shame she had the wrong parts.

"He's just pure sex, isn't he? Shame he's painfully shy. Like...more than me." She smirked and tugged me with her to the right classroom.

It made no sense. Nobody who looked like the blonde god I had just seen should be shy. Why would he?

Luckily I had my information center sitting next to me and there were a few minutes before the class started.

"He's one of the Cullens' foster kids. They adopted him and his twin sister Rosalie when they were like...ten or so. He's a Senior but he's really nineteen. His sister is in college already and he seems to miss her terribly." Angie filled me in.

In the next few weeks I learned more things about my newest obsession. He had green eyes, sort of grass green I suppose. Early summer grass. His hair was nearly chin length and the curls he had looked like they were very untamed and somehow stubborn. It was like he scolded them by running his fingers through them when he thought nobody was watching or when he wasn't paying attention to his surroundings. The color was honey, wheat, sand, gold... People paid a lot to get the kind of hair he had naturally.

Angela told me Jasper had never dated anyone, not for real. He had taken his foster sister Alice to the junior prom. No, it wasn't weird, as the Cullen kids didn't let anyone make things weird for them. Now that there was only Jasper, Alice and Edward left in the Cullen home, the two oldest already off at college, their numbers were less but they were more united than ever.

It was weird to see Jasper alone with neither of his siblings around. When I did see him alone, I used the situation to my advantage and managed to place myself in his way in more than one sense.

The first real break through happened at the library one day. It was afternoon study hour and I was trying to find a book I needed for my history paper. The computer said it was supposed to be in its place on the shelf I had gone through at least half a dozen times. Well it damn well wasn't! I was having no luck what so ever and it was bugging the hell out of me.

That was until I saw Jasper sitting on the windowsill in the back of the library, reading a book. As I sneaked closer, I realized it was the book on the Civil War I was looking for. No wonder I couldn't find it!

I actually huffed out loud and walked over to him.

"You know you could actually check the book out so others would know it's taken," I said in a slightly snappy tone.

He hadn't heard me approaching, so he pretty much jumped and almost dropped the book in the process. And then he blushed when he recognized me.

"So-sorry..." he managed and then looked even more embarrassed, "I..I actually own a copy...but it's at home."

"Do you always hoard books you already own or did you pick this one because I happen to need it for a paper I'm supposed to write?" I couldn't help my tone, which was unfortunate as he was getting more and more red and it was the first time I'd ever talked to him.

Before he could stutter out another answer, I sighed, "Look...I'm sorry...I'm just a bit tired today and just spent fifteen minutes looking for that book. I know absolutely nothing about the subject and..." I could feel my shoulders slumping and the fight left me as soon as it had appeared.

"Oh..well I love history and the Civil War is my favorite part," he said and glanced out of the window, ducking his head a bit like he was embarrassed.

_Okay...now or never, Sethy..._

"If I need help with the paper, can I ask you for pointers? Call you, maybe?" I asked, looking at him through my lashes and trying to be a bit more subtle with the flirting than I'd be with someone who I knew was gay and wasn't shy.

"Erm...sure," he said and the blush came back a little bit.

I dug out my iPhone and handed it to him and he gave his phone to me, avoiding my eyes while doing so. Was I imagining things or was he actually shy because he wanted the flirting? If he was uncomfortable, he wouldn't have agreed? Or taken my number, right?

"There you are, Jazzy!" I heard a clear voice from behind me and turned to see his sister Alice skipping towards us.

Jasper gave me my phone and took his and blushed again. Alice looked at me and then at him before examining me more carefully. Her eyes lit up and she extended a hand.

"I'm Alice Cullen. You're Seth, right?" she asked and I grinned at her, kissing her knuckles instead of shaking her hand.

"Yes, Seth Clearwater. Nice to meet you, Alice," I replied and she smirked at me.

"So..." she said, looking back at Jasper who was looking very uncomfortable under her gaze.

Alice was clearly reading into things more than I was and it was making Jasper extremely uncomfortable.

"Thanks for the book, Jasper. I'll see you around," I said, taking the book from where it rested against his thigh and I swear I heard a little gasp when my fingers grazed the denim that covered what I assumed were quite nice muscles.

"Bye Alice," I said and she smiled and waved.

That night was about the tenth night I dreamt of Jasper Whitlock, and nowhere near the last.

-xxXxx-

It had been Monday when I met him in the library and the paper was due on the next Monday so I did have plenty of time. Having time never worked for me though, as I did thrive on deadlines. Usually, what ever it was I had to do, I worked the last day or two and got it done. Before that I didn't bother. I just couldn't get anything done until I had the pressure of a time limit on me.

So I used the week productively. Ever since I talked to Jasper and touched him, something changed. When ever I saw even a glimpse of him, my heart jumped. Angela said she knew when Jasper was near because I'd gasp a little bit. I never noticed but I took her word for it. If I had thought I was screwed before, after talking to him it was ten times worse...

I had trouble concentrating on anything. My mind drifted to him every time I wasn't trying hard enough to _not_ think about him. When I tried _not to_, of course it lead me back to the problem; Jasper.

When I got off school on Friday, I was strangely relieved and anxious at the same time. Relieved of not having the stress of seeing him on daily basis, usually multiple times every day. Anxious, because I knew it would be Monday again when I'd see him next time. The being apart from him, even though he probably didn't really think of me that way, was tough. It hurt me somehow, in a way any other crush before hadn't managed to.

Saturday evening found me staring at the book, and I realized I needed help. It wasn't so much that I didn't understand what I was supposed to write or what I was reading, but the fact that I needed an angle. It needed to be a good paper as it was pretty much half of my course grade. The teacher had said that I was under different rules, because I had taken the course before. He expected more of me. Why I needed to re-take the course was simple: hadn't had time to take the final exam for it back in Texas before we moved. Dammit.

I lay on my bed in my room upstairs our little house. So far everything looked good. Mom was liking her job at the hospital and she had made friends. She even told me this might be it. Of course she had said that before, so I wasn't getting my hopes up but hell if I wasn't up for staying in Forks for a longer time than six months to two years...

Staring at my cell, shifting my gaze from between it and the text book, I knew what I had to do. Suddenly I felt shy. I feared rejection more than anything and I knew it. It wasn't something I was unaware of... I had been rejected a few times, by straight guys mostly, but twice by someone I had had feelings for. Once after having a few excellent sexual experiences with the guy first... 'Oh but I'm not gay!' being the explanation when I asked for one. Well you fucking were gay last night when you were fucking me, weren't you? No, asking that didn't help my cause...

I nearly fell off my bed when my phone buzzed. Text message?

From _Jasper_?

_**How's the paper coming along? J.**_

I might have fallen in love right there. Not because of the content of the text but because he actually wrote a full sentence instead of cutting the words short and butchering the language and grammar.

Grinning, I replied, _**Not. Help?**_

Didn't need to sign, he'd know it was from me.

I heard my own heartbeat in my ears when I waited for the reply.

_**Your place or mine?**_

Did he know what he was doing to me with asking such things? Seriously?

I thought for a while and decided to push it a bit.

_**Mine. I'm home alone until six in the morning. Pizza okay?**_

Okay so maybe I was hinting at...something. Maybe not. Who am I kidding here? Of course I was trying to get him alone!

Two minutes later: _**I'll be there in ten. No anchovies.**_

Oh fuck! I jumped up and ran to the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. First I needed to find something to wear. Hell if I was going to spend time with the boy of my dreams in just old sweats and a ragged t-shirt. Everything else looked fine, so I just brushed my hair and winked at myself for courage before dashing to change into a white tank top and a pair of very low riding jeans. The trick was to go commando but have the top long enough so having no underwear wasn't obvious. Instead I could work it when I wanted to and boy did I want to.

I was on the phone downstairs, ordering the pizza, when I heard a car outside. Right, Jasper had some not-so-flashy sports car. I didn't really care much for cars so I wouldn't know anything other than that it was blue.

Walking to the door with the phone on my ear, I watched Jasper walk up the walkway as I opened the door. Damn was he fine...

"Yes, no anchovies. Okay, thanks," I said into the phone, as I smirked at Jasper and then disconnected the call.

"Hey," he said and stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He looked shy but somehow...excited too. That had to be a good sign, right?

"We shop at the same place. I have a bunch of those shirts too." I nodded at his t-shirt which had an obscure Buffy-reference printed on it and I knew where he had bought it online.

"Oh, neat." He smirked and then added, "Spike is awesome," before blushing again.

"True, I never much liked Angel. Though I do like the actor in his new show," I said as I walked to the kitchen.

"Bones? Yeah, it's a great show. I really like all the science-stuff and the whole social awkwardness of some of the characters." He grinned when I looked at him.

And then he blushed, again.

"What's your favorite Buffy episode?" I asked as I hopped up on the counter and Jasper sat on one of the bar stools we had around the island.

He blushed first, deep red this time, and swallowed hard, seemingly trying to figure out if he could say something or not. When he reached a decision and said it, my heart leaped in my chest.

"Would it be too gay to say _'Once more with feeling'_?" he asked and ducked his head. It was the musical episode.

"Hmm...not _too_ gay. It's my second favorite. I like _'Hush'_ the best." I said as if he hadn't said anything special at all, but then I added, "Not too gay but a bit gay, I have to admit that." I smirked and he looked at me from under his hair and worried his bottom lip a little bit.

"Jasper, it's okay. It's not like I'm telling anyone. Been there, done that, as you know by now." I said and for a moment he tensed visibly. Then he exhaled and relaxed and smiled. It was a new kind of smile, somehow...free.

"I haven't even told my family. It's...I don't know. They must know by now and well Alice knows. She knows everything. But..." he drifted off.

"Coming out to your family is never easy, Jasper. I was afraid to tell my mom but she had known for a while anyway. She just wants me to be happy." I said and shrugged a bit to let him know it wasn't something that worried me anymore. That I had lived through it and was here to tell the tale.

"When did you...know? For sure I mean?" he asked and then blushed. "If you don't mind me asking...you don't need to answer but..." he turned his gaze away and looked embarrassed.

"I'm the first gay guy you've talked to?" I asked and he nodded. "Then don't be afraid to ask. It's not like you can ask anyone else. I'll tell you if something is too personal, but I'm pretty open." I smiled warmly at him. Suddenly all the attraction I felt for him was on the back burner. I was determined to help him through this, even if it was all I'd ever do with him.

Sure, I was a teenaged guy and horny as hell, alone in the house with my biggest crush ever who was gay too or so it seemed. I wasn't going to use that to my advantage. If he needed answers, I'd give them to him and I wouldn't use him in any way.

"Hmm... I think I knew when I was thirteen. For sure I mean. There was this really pretty girl in my class in that town where we lived at the time. All the boys were drooling at her, everyone was coming to terms with their budding teenage hormones..." I chuckled and Jasper smirked, listening intently to what I had to say, "and all I could think about was her older brother. He was tall, sort of lanky, a bit nerdy and so gorgeous. He was fifteen and...yeah. But still...dreamy." I smirked.

Jasper chuckled at my story and then the doorbell rang.

"Hey, would you pick what you want to drink from the fridge and get me a Sprite?" I asked and he hopped down and went to the fridge while I went to the door to pay for the pizzas.

When I got back, Jasper had taken a bottle of water for himself and the soda for me. "How about you?" I asked him and he looked at me blankly for a moment before he understood what I was asking.

"Erm..." he started and blushed deep crimson, "it's...I..." he said and I walked to him, placing the pizza boxes on the counter.

Placing my hand on his arm was meant to be a soothing gesture but it turned out to be anything but. We both gasped and looked at each other with shocked expressions. It felt like my heart was suddenly on overdrive and the pit of my stomach filled with electricity.

"Oh..I...damn..." I managed to say before I pulled my hand away. It wasn't like I could move away from him though. So I stood there and tried again. "You don't have to tell me if it is too personal," I said and he looked down, meeting my eyes.

Jasper swallowed again, making another decision. He was amazingly easy to read for me.

"It was...it was the first time I saw you..." he said and blushed, turning his head so that I couldn't see his eyes.

For a moment I stood there, almost touching him, with my mouth hanging open. I had no idea what to say. He had a revelation after seeing me? Seriously? Did it mean... What the hell did it mean?

"B-because I'm gay or...?" I managed to ask and he turned away from me.

"No...I didn't even know you were. I...I just knew... You're... I had never seen anyone who I thought as gorgeous as you are. And I knew..." his words came out in short bursts and the last bit was so quiet I struggled to hear him.

He had wanted me from the first moment too? No way! My chest was filling with joy and excitement and relief and _everything_, but I realized Jasper had went quiet and still.

"Jasper I..." How the hell would I tell him I had been fantasizing about him since the first day I saw him?

"It's okay...I...I shouldn't have thought...just because you're gay..." he said quietly and I realized he thought I was rejecting him. And I knew what that felt like.

"No! Jasper look at me!" He almost jumped at my exclamation.

Slowly he turned around but didn't look at me.

"Jasper...I want you. I've wanted you since the first day I saw you. I crushed so hard-I haven't ever before-but I didn't even know your name." I began speaking in a rush, not giving him time to react, "I tried to figure you out, if you were maybe bi, if I'd have a chance-but what were the odds that someone as perfect as you actually liked guys and..."

At that point he looked at me, smiled so that his dimples were showing and his eyes sparkled with excitement.

Before he could speak, and to prevent myself from rambling on, I grabbed his hand and tugged him to the nearest bar stool and made him sit. He looked at me quizzically.

"You're too tall," I explained and then stepped in between his thighs and whispered, "Stay very still," before leaning in and kissing his lips chastely.

The jolt of energy that rushed through me made me tremble. It was like where I touched him was on some strange kind of fire suddenly, making me burn and tingle and just feel so _alive_.

The best thing? I knew he felt it too.

When I moved my head back a bit to look at him, his eyes fluttered open and he blushed again.

"What?" he asked shyly.

"Just wanted to look at you," I mumbled and smiled at him, making him duck his head and look at me from under his bangs.

We stayed like that for a few moments, just looking at each other sort of shyly, our eyes flickering around one another's face, so that it didn't become too intense. Then I cleared my throat.

"So...pizza?" I asked and Jasper chuckled a little, nodding at me.

It was surprisingly easy, sitting in the kitchen with Jasper, eating and chatting about things that didn't matter. I couldn't get enough of his voice or the fact that I could make him laugh so easily.

After we had finished eating, I took him to my room to actually try and work some on the damn history paper. If I had thought Jasper was gorgeous when he blushed and stuttered and tried to be brave instead of painfully shy, I was wrong.

When he was in his element, talking about the Civil War with his eyes shining with enthusiasm and the knowledge pouring off his lips... I was half hard by just watching him. Never had I seen anything as perfect as him.

Suddenly he stopped talking and I realized he looked amused.

"What did I just spent the last fifteen minutes talking about?" he asked me quite seriously, but there was a hint of mischief in his eyes.

"Erm...I was kinda watching, not listening?" I asked sheepishly.

Again we just stared at each other for a while before we totally cracked up, laughing our assess off until we were both wiping our eyes and holding our stomachs and...laying down on my bed side by side.

The laughter hitched in my throat when I turned to look at him. Suddenly there was this all new electricity between us.

Very slowly, but without hesitation, Jasper got up to one elbow and looked at me, smiling a little bit.

Everything clicked into place somehow, like my whole world just settled again and this time it was truly around him. He was my gravity that kept me there, grounded, and my sun that was the center of my universe.

"Seth?" he asked quietly, swallowing once as I looked at him inquisitively, "Would...would you be mine?"

Instead of answering with words, I reached my hand to his hair and pulled him to me, kissing him gently, reveling in the feel of his lips against mine again.

We made out a little that night. He left after midnight, risking getting grounded but somehow Alice had talked to their parents and he got off the hook.

The next few weeks we used to learn as much as possible about each other. Everything was easy with Jasper, no matter that we were both relatively inexperienced and he was so shy. He gained confidence and began to talk to people more, at school too. One day Alice told me it was because he had someone who wanted him now, that his self respect had skyrocketed and he could be himself now.

The day Jasper took my hand at school, not caring at all what others might have thought, I realized I was truly in love with him.

Oh and that history paper?

A+

-xxXxx-

**A/N:** Jasper's shirt reads '**Out. For. A. Walk. Bitch.**', in case you were wondering.

Oh and this is definitely a one shot and won't be continued after the contest is over.

Sorry.

Feel free to review, though.

And thank you, my darling _**mycrookedsmile**_ for your beta-work. You're amazing. ^^


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